Post by Subu'atai on Jun 14, 2008 14:46:53 GMT 3
12th June (just two days ago in fact):
Amazing archaeological find sheds new light on notorious rampage
The world of archaeology was stunned today by the discovery of a unique parchment buried deep in the frozen tundra of inner Mongolia. Buried in a wooden box containing the remains of several red, white and blue scarves, recognised symbols of the little known Mongolian Cult of The Cowardly Hidden Hand, the parchment was at first thought to be a letter from a particularly backward child to the Mongolian equivalent of Santa Claus (Muttukumaru, the bringer of tonic wine and devourer of souls). After painstaking restoration work by Professor Shubert of the world famous Making Old Things Look New Institute, the true nature of this unique document was realised. “It was amazing“, Professor Shubert told me in a world exclusive. “After we removed the layers of fossilised spittle, we restored the degraded crayon markings, wiped off the dried blood, which presumably found its way there from one of the horde’s notoriously violent board meetings, and looked with astonishment at the result. I can tell you that we’re all jolly excited about this as we had no idea anyone in the horde could read or write.”
The letter appears to be a lengthy complaint regarding the treatment of horde warriors during the infamous Sack of Samarkand in 1220. Little is known about the events of the actual siege and subsequent massacre, save for the vast pile of wine bottles discovered in the ancient city’s sewer system, and obscure inscriptions etched on many of the remaining buildings of the period. The meaning of the inscriptions is disputed, with one school translating them as “We are the Peeple” (believed to be a Mongol war cry utter shortly before urinating in the streets of pillaged cities), while another insists that the inscriptions in fact read “You really can’t take us anywhere can you?”.
With kind permission of Professor Shubert we have reproduced the full text of this amazing discovery:
Dear Horde Members,
During the recent Sack of Samarkand where our mighty warriors tore down the walls of this vast citadel, slaughtered the inhabitants, and defiled their places of worship with vast streams of manly Mongol urine and mountains of heroic faeces, I was shocked at the ludicrous overreaction by the notorious Samarkand City Watch. Many horde members have given me horrific accounts of rampaging Mongols being accosted by overzealous city watch officers, some of whom were seen to openly object to the perfectly innocent celebrations of rape, pillage and wanton destruction. Some hotheads amongst the city watch even drew their swords! Is it any wonder therefore that outraged Mongols carried their severed heads away on their spear points?
I'm sure that you will agree with me, that perfectly enjoyable afternoon was ruined by these officious thugs, and that any blame for the resulting carnage and slaughter of every man, woman and child, can be laid firmly and without doubt at the door of the Samarkand City Watch. I would also add that the Samarkand Council of Elders also must take their share of responsibility, for although they welcomed our mighty horde of 100,000 warriors into the city by proclaiming that we should stay away, it was clear that their preparations for our entertainment were thoroughly inadequate. Why, we had to wait until evening to get a good fight! So poor in fact was the entertainment that we had to end up fighting amongst ourselves!
I think I can speak for every Horde member when I say that we will under no circumstances ever return to Samarkand, mind you, neither will anyone else since it isn't there any longer If you have any evidence of Samarkand City Watch officers looking at you in a funny way, objecting to perfectly harmless fun (well for us anyway) or making a mess of your sword or axe with pieces of brain and spleen, then please send a parchment to Mongol Horde Supporters Trust, and we shall present this to the next city watch on our list.
Yours Barbarianly
Ghengis Khan,
Mongol Horde SupportersTrust.
Link: www.etims.net/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2246
What you guys think? There's still many completely different translations for some reason (How they can continue to mistranslate stuff is beyond me) - This version sounds like a parody joke written inbetween Mongol soldiers, "Mongol Horde Supporters Trust"
LOL
We must have been bored at Samarkand
I tend to like this section lol:
for although they welcomed our mighty horde of 100,000 warriors into the city by proclaiming that we should stay away, it was clear that their preparations for our entertainment were thoroughly inadequate. Why, we had to wait until evening to get a good fight! So poor in fact was the entertainment that we had to end up fighting amongst ourselves!
Haha
Amazing archaeological find sheds new light on notorious rampage
The world of archaeology was stunned today by the discovery of a unique parchment buried deep in the frozen tundra of inner Mongolia. Buried in a wooden box containing the remains of several red, white and blue scarves, recognised symbols of the little known Mongolian Cult of The Cowardly Hidden Hand, the parchment was at first thought to be a letter from a particularly backward child to the Mongolian equivalent of Santa Claus (Muttukumaru, the bringer of tonic wine and devourer of souls). After painstaking restoration work by Professor Shubert of the world famous Making Old Things Look New Institute, the true nature of this unique document was realised. “It was amazing“, Professor Shubert told me in a world exclusive. “After we removed the layers of fossilised spittle, we restored the degraded crayon markings, wiped off the dried blood, which presumably found its way there from one of the horde’s notoriously violent board meetings, and looked with astonishment at the result. I can tell you that we’re all jolly excited about this as we had no idea anyone in the horde could read or write.”
The letter appears to be a lengthy complaint regarding the treatment of horde warriors during the infamous Sack of Samarkand in 1220. Little is known about the events of the actual siege and subsequent massacre, save for the vast pile of wine bottles discovered in the ancient city’s sewer system, and obscure inscriptions etched on many of the remaining buildings of the period. The meaning of the inscriptions is disputed, with one school translating them as “We are the Peeple” (believed to be a Mongol war cry utter shortly before urinating in the streets of pillaged cities), while another insists that the inscriptions in fact read “You really can’t take us anywhere can you?”.
With kind permission of Professor Shubert we have reproduced the full text of this amazing discovery:
Dear Horde Members,
During the recent Sack of Samarkand where our mighty warriors tore down the walls of this vast citadel, slaughtered the inhabitants, and defiled their places of worship with vast streams of manly Mongol urine and mountains of heroic faeces, I was shocked at the ludicrous overreaction by the notorious Samarkand City Watch. Many horde members have given me horrific accounts of rampaging Mongols being accosted by overzealous city watch officers, some of whom were seen to openly object to the perfectly innocent celebrations of rape, pillage and wanton destruction. Some hotheads amongst the city watch even drew their swords! Is it any wonder therefore that outraged Mongols carried their severed heads away on their spear points?
I'm sure that you will agree with me, that perfectly enjoyable afternoon was ruined by these officious thugs, and that any blame for the resulting carnage and slaughter of every man, woman and child, can be laid firmly and without doubt at the door of the Samarkand City Watch. I would also add that the Samarkand Council of Elders also must take their share of responsibility, for although they welcomed our mighty horde of 100,000 warriors into the city by proclaiming that we should stay away, it was clear that their preparations for our entertainment were thoroughly inadequate. Why, we had to wait until evening to get a good fight! So poor in fact was the entertainment that we had to end up fighting amongst ourselves!
I think I can speak for every Horde member when I say that we will under no circumstances ever return to Samarkand, mind you, neither will anyone else since it isn't there any longer If you have any evidence of Samarkand City Watch officers looking at you in a funny way, objecting to perfectly harmless fun (well for us anyway) or making a mess of your sword or axe with pieces of brain and spleen, then please send a parchment to Mongol Horde Supporters Trust, and we shall present this to the next city watch on our list.
Yours Barbarianly
Ghengis Khan,
Mongol Horde SupportersTrust.
Link: www.etims.net/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2246
What you guys think? There's still many completely different translations for some reason (How they can continue to mistranslate stuff is beyond me) - This version sounds like a parody joke written inbetween Mongol soldiers, "Mongol Horde Supporters Trust"
LOLWe must have been bored at Samarkand
I tend to like this section lol:
for although they welcomed our mighty horde of 100,000 warriors into the city by proclaiming that we should stay away, it was clear that their preparations for our entertainment were thoroughly inadequate. Why, we had to wait until evening to get a good fight! So poor in fact was the entertainment that we had to end up fighting amongst ourselves!
Haha
